Why Can't I Socialize!!!

I have found college life to pretty lonely outside the classroom setting. I just can't seem to be able to speak to anyone. I feel like an impostor here. How the hell did I get in here? What the heck am I doing here?! I am still surprised that I got accepted here. It boggles my mind that a school that is in the ranks of like Juliard would let a little loser nobody in like me. Not joining Marching Band was definitely the worst decision I have made. It has thrown me out of the social loop with all the music freshman. What Possessed me not to join. I love marching band with a passion! What the heck is wrong with me?! I feel like the new kid that has moved in halfway through the school year.  It has put all the social progression that I had made within the last four cease to exist.  I used to be able to talk to anybody and get along fine. Nowadays, I find it hard to find words to start a conversation. I believe I have reverted back to being that person that would help you with anything. A door mat.
It has become time for me t get a backbone and confidence but the thing is I have no idea how to go about and do it. So in mean time I will turn to you my dear friend the internet to get these thoughts out of my head and to motivate me into actually socializing. But the chances of that are slim... So I will be back soon with more tales of my lonely woe and/or/maybe the awesome geek thing that keep me alive for the moment.

Mack G

Scott Pilgrim=EPIC WIN!

Scott Pilgrim is one of the best movies of this year! I saw it at Comic Con International this year three weeks before it opened to the public. I had to wait about five hours in line but it was totally worth it!I found that the music totally suited the comic book. Which is a funny coincidence cause comic books have no sounds. The video game effects that they incorporated into the movie just made my inner nerd die in happiness. I found the movie to be insanely accurate to the first two comic books... that I happened to read while waiting in line for the movie. The first scene was identical to the comic book.  This movie has turned me into a Scott Pilgrim Fanatic...

Pipe Cleaner People

Here are the little figurines I have made to adorn my desk in my dorm room. Aren't they cute? Each is made completely out of pipe cleaners. No glue.

Silent Obsession

             When I think of that night my mind is filled with sounds. The gentle thud of the opening of the grand piano, its keys were well worn but tuned just for this occasion. I hear his soft footsteps behind me. He is dressed in a crisp blue shirt with a black tie with white music notes dancing up. He turns to me and gives me his happy-go-lucky smile, his still- water eyes sparkling with excitement. My heart leaps out, it hammers so hard, that I barely hear him as he asks me “You ready?” I nod dumbly as if I had lost the ability to speak. I run through a mental checklist in my head, seeing if I have forgotten anything. Music? Check. Adjusted the bench? Check. Glasses? Check.

My nerves are out of control. My mind is running marathons and my fingers twitch nervously. I scold and remind myself that tonight is about him. Him and his silver trumpet, him with the auburn curls and still-water eyes. My purpose here today is to make him shine. It is my duty as his accompanist to make his solo shine as brightly as he does. I hear the stagehands click on the spotlights. They glow ominously from underneath the curtains. I hear him eagerly click his keys in anticipation. The curtain rises, temporarily blinding me with the bright lights. His curls bounce as he gives me a curt nod. My fingers press into the cool keys of the piano. The light disjointed sound of jazz chords in irregular time echo through the crowded room. Finally, the warm buttery sound of his muted trumpet starts. They create a flowing smooth melody over top over odd sounding chords. His brilliance shines brighter than I have ever seen as he plays his heart out.

I smile to myself as the song progresses. The sounds of our instruments intertwine in the most lovely of ways. I steal glances at the back of his head and my smile grows bigger. My nerves had ceased to exist as I am caught in the music. Nothing outside this existed. All I hear is our intertwined sounds; it is if my mind had left all previous thoughts behind.  It is just he and I, no one else to interfere, little brothers, girlfriends, parents, or teachers.  It is our most intimate relationship that could ever happen between us. He is my soloist and I was his accompanist. My keyboard and his trumpet. 

In real life, it was a twisted romance in my head. A one sided-relationship. Only here, this is where we came together.  This is our relationship. Outside of this we are passerby friends. I am someone to talk to, someone that would listen, someone who did not judge, the girl next door.  He is an idol, a rock-star, a Beatles fanatic, a true musician. I know every detail about him because he told me. He knows nothing about me because he never asked.  Here on stage was the relationship that would never be, my living fantasy.  I reveled in this time together, knowing there never be anything like this between us that didn’t involve our instruments.

Suddenly, I notice that our tempo slows as the song comes to a close. His last note flows like silk as once again my chords ring through the auditorium. My last chord’s sound starts to die off only to be replaced by the sound of applause. A wave of clapping and whistling over come whatever silence there may have been at the end. He bows several times, his smile is wide and triumphant, his eyes shimmering and brimming with joy.  He gives a broad gesture towards me.  I smile shyly and wave to the audience. He gestures to me again, a much smaller gesture telling my to get up. He mouths “Come up here.”  I stumble off the piano bench, trip, and fall face first onto the floor of the stage.  Embarrassment rushes over me, the audience roars with laughter. I curse the heels that I had worn that day and wish I had worn a more sensible shoe.

 To my surprise, I look up to see a hand and a smiling face.  As I reach for his hand my face turns a bright shade of scarlet and my heart skips a beat.  His hand is softer than expected. His fingertips are calloused from playing guitar but his palm is smooth and warm. His hands are not that much bigger than mine.  I think that our hand fit perfectly together as he lifts me up. Once I am standing stably, he lifts my hand over my head and brings us down to a bow.  Our hair flops over our faces as we repeat the process. When we stand up after the final bow, I look over at him. His hair looks as though he had just gotten out of bed a minute ago.  We walk together off stage, with our hand still grasped together. A few auburn locks fall impishly over his eyes.  I giggle to myself and then brush them out of his eyes.  I suddenly retract my hands and advert my eyes to the ground as if there was something entirely more interesting there.  A second wave of embarrassment washes over me.

“Way to go out with a bang? Huh?” he says unaffected.  I peak at him through my bangs. “Yeah. It’s been a crazy eight years together.” I utter quietly.

“Thanks for accompanying me. Good job,” he compliments me.

“You did a great job too. You sounded awesome….”I start to ramble about his performance, words of praise falling out of my mouth. Suddenly, I hear her voice calling his name. My heart falls as I see him perk up to her voice.  Just as he turns to leave, I call out his name.  He pauses to look at me.

“Hey…. I... I l-l-l…. I’ll see you tomorrow... you know… at graduation practice.”  I say dejectedly and force a smile. He gives me a wave and head out the door.  My heart breaks into thousands of pieces. To me it sounds like glass shattering, but I am unwilling to pick them up to put them back together. I know that my confession of my feelings will only trouble him.  I know he does not feel the same about me. He is with someone else and is happy and content with his life.  I have no right to throw a spanner in the works of his happiness. I will bear my own heavy heart, bitter jealousy and tears for seeing his smile is enough for me.

Please Ingore the Lowly Oboeist in the Corner for She Knows Not How To Socialize

'ello There,

Loneliness... ah I know the word well.  I have just arrived to a new precipice of life: college. It has been my first few days and I have discovered that I am socially inept. I seem to have a hard time actually making friends or even conversation with people I don't know. I am finding myself walking campus alone, eating alone, and sitting in my dorm room...alone. So I turn to the internet is search for some comfort from the time by myself. For I spend far too much time practicing and far to less time socializing.
Maybe my social skills are lacking because I spend way to much time with my instrument. Maybe I should get out some time but by the time I figure what to do and where to go I manage to persuade myself not to go. For the one thing I am great at is making elaborate plans and never executing them. Like this one time I had planned out this elaborate plan to run away to New York City, just like the children in the book, The Mixed Up Files Of Mrs. Basil E Frankweiler. I had planned to use the savings from my extra lunch money to catch a bus to the city and hide out in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Now I can't remember all the details but at the time I had them written all out in this little notebook of mine. I would plan and plan and plan making sure that everything would go smoothly. But on the day I planned to go I decided against it. So much for that. I shall now go and attempt to be social.

Mack G

Introductions of Sorts

Hello My Dear Readers (though I realize there may not be any of you yet)

Hello this word by definition is a greeting but not everyone uses hello to greet others. There are so many words such as Hi, Hey, Yo, 'sup, 'ello, g'day, Aloha, Cherrio, Konichiwa, among many others. Each of these words defines hows you present yourself and gives the person whom you are talking to insight into your life. 

For example: If you greet someone with the word "Aloha" you maybe a person who lives in Hawaii, recently came back from Hawaii or a Surfer. (None of these are concrete reasons just probable one)

Though for some people, we have an affinity with a certain culture. And because of that affinity we tend to use words from that culture to greet each other.

In the nerdverse this can lead to using greetings from tv and movies; such as "Live Long and Prosper" and "May the Force be with You" Or if you happen to be a fan of Anime you may use Japanese to greet someone "Konichiwa"

I prefer to switch it up every now and then. But by far my favorite term of greeting is "'ello". I believe that my long time love of Harry Potter and lovely city of London has influenced me so. Or just maybe I am way too lazy to actually use the "H" that traditionally begins that word.

By now I have realized that I haven't told you a single thing about myself other than my preference in greeting. Oh Dear! How rude of me not to introduce myself! I am Mack G. Nerd Extraordinaire! I welcome you to my Blog as I journey though the trials life. 

Thanks for Reading!

Mack G

p.s. 'ello!